Empty Nesting for the First Time: How I’m Embracing Change

When the Nest Starts to Empty, the Questions Begin

Lately, I’ve been asked the same question over and over again — usually by well-meaning friends, sometimes by people just making conversation:

“So what will you do once your daughter goes off to college?”

It’s a fair question. After all, this next chapter — the “empty nest” phase — is looming. I usually answer with something like, “I have my blog, my Instagram, and my newsletter where I basically turn my midlife spiral into content.”

But one friend (who shall remain unnamed — and no, you don’t get to guess) smiled and said, “Right, but what will you do to stay busy?”

The implication, of course, being that writing, creating, and building a community online doesn’t quite count. And while I know it came from a good place, it did make me pause.
Not because I don’t have enough to do — I’m never short on ideas — but because it reminded me of how we tend to define what’s “productive” or “worthwhile” once our kids no longer need us full-time.

A Time of Transition — and a Shift in Identity

In all fairness, I know they meant well. But if I’m being honest, I’ve been feeling a mix of apprehension and anticipation about what’s to come. The transition to empty nesting is one of the most bittersweet moments in a parenting journey.
For the last 18 years, my life has revolved around school drop-offs and pick-ups, after-school activities, and being deeply embedded in the school community. Now, for the first time in nearly two decades, that part of my identity is beginning to shift.

Reinvention Looks Different for Everyone

One of the things I’ve noticed — and truly admired — is how many women I know have used this phase of life to reinvent themselves.
Some became certified life coaches. One started her journey as a yoga instructor. Another friend is now a health coach, helping other women feel more confident in their skin. I know someone who launched her baking business out of her kitchen, and one brave soul even went back to school.
They’re not just finding new jobs; they’re stepping into entirely new identities.
It’s inspiring. And a little intimidating.

Because truthfully? I don’t know what my thing is yet. Will there be more plants? More books? Or maybe I’ll spiral into another Gilmore Girls rewatch — purely for comfort… and for Jess, the emotionally unavailable bookworm we all thought we could fix. But I digress.

Reconnecting With Your Partner & Reality

Another thing people say about the empty nest phase is that it gives you a chance to reconnect with your partner, which sounds lovely in theory.

I have friends who are suddenly taking golf lessons with their husbands, signing up for long-distance cycling events, or playing padel together, though for me, with my competitive streak, it’s less about connection and more about domination.
It sounds so wholesome, like something out of a Hallmark movie — cozy winter nights, matching pajamas, and steaming mugs of hot cocoa.

While my friends may be carving out these ‘couple goals’, I’m wondering how we’ll navigate this next phase. I’m deep in perimenopause, and my husband is firmly in his early-to-bed era. Our schedules haven’t overlapped this much in years.

What happens when I want to have a deep, late-night conversation about dreams and life, and he just wants to watch sci-fi movies in total silence?
We’ve been used to parenting on a timer — mornings scheduled with school runs, evenings set aside for school sports, and winding down with a show.
Suddenly, there might be a lot of time.
I’m not saying it’s a bad thing. I’m just saying it’s a new thing.

The Introvert Dilemma

You’d think with more time, I’d be more open to meeting people. But all I can think about now is: how will I get out of it? What excuse will I use? As an introvert, I never met up with people much anyway — but I always had a built-in excuse. “Oh, sorry, I’m driving my kid to practice!” Now? I’ll have to start inventing new ones. “Sorry, I have to reorganize my spice rack.”

Parenting Doesn’t End – It Evolves

And just to be clear: parenting doesn’t end when they leave home — it simply evolves. In some ways, it’s even harder now. You’re still their emotional anchor, just from hundreds (or thousands) of miles away. You’re helping them navigate adult decisions, manage stress, and figure out life — all while trying not to overstep. The role keeps shifting, and you’re constantly learning to show up in new ways.
If you’re looking for thoughtful ways to support your college freshman from afar, I shared a few meaningful ideas here — from “open when” envelopes to little surprises that make dorm life feel more like home.

Small Steps Still Count as Reinvention

Some people talk about traveling the world. For someone like me, with a fear of flying that I’ve never quite outgrown, the idea of a solo trip feels like a bold enough first step. And maybe that’s okay too — not everything has to be a grand plan. Sometimes, simply stepping outside your comfort zone is its own kind of reinvention.

Embracing the Unknown: What Comes Next?

So, what will I do?
Honestly? I’ll keep writing. I’ll keep showing up here. I’ll take long walks, make questionable Amazon purchases, and maybe even try a hobby that doesn’t require a five-year plan. I’ll figure it out as I go, like I’ve done with every other phase of life.

I’m approaching it all with curiosity. I may not have a reinvention strategy or a list of goals to check off (yet), but I’m open to what this phase might bring. Maybe it’s rediscovering old joys or uncovering new ones. Or perhaps it’s just learning to sit with the quiet — and realizing that even in the absence of noise, the fullness of life remains. Because reinvention doesn’t have to be loud. Sometimes, it’s just a quiet reclaiming of time, space, and self.
And that counts too.

How did you feel when your kids left for college? Share your experience below!