The Waiting Game: A Parent’s Guide to Navigating College Decision Anxiety

There’s a unique kind of suspense that comes with waiting for college admissions decisions. As a parent, you find yourself navigating a minefield of emotions—anticipation, worry, excitement, and the occasional existential dread. (Seriously, is it too late to set up a trust fund for their backup plan—like a gap year to “find themselves” in Europe?) This past Friday, as Early Action college decisions flooded inboxes, the anticipation peaked, leaving many parents and students alike glued to their phones, waiting for that life-changing email.

This isn’t my first rodeo. I’ve been through the college application process once before, and yet, it still feels like a marathon of emotions. With a high birth year like 2007 (pretty sure the maternity wards were working overtime), the competition has been fierce, and many kids are navigating a sea of deferrals and rejections. Let’s dive into what this process looks like from the sidelines, and how we, as parents, can best support our kids through it.

The Calm Before the Storm: Navigating the College Application Process

Let’s be real—there’s nothing calm about writing college applications. It’s a whirlwind of essays, deadlines, and the constant pressure to remind your child to finish everything before college application deadlines. And let’s not forget the existential debates about time zones:
“Does 11:59 p.m. mean our time zone or the college’s?” (It’s the college’s btw).
On application submission day, as a mom, I ensured everything was submitted on time, while my husband sat ready with his credit card to pay the application fees. It was a time crunch of epic proportions. Because what is last-minute pressure if not this? By the time the applications were submitted, you’re both too exhausted to feel anything but relief.

When everything was finally submitted, I expected relief—but instead, the waiting began. And while there’s a brief moment of calm, it’s deceptive. The weeks leading up to decision day are filled with 2 a.m. Googling of acceptance rates and outcomes for deferred applicants. (I’d like to think it’s research, but we all know it’s just stress manifesting as late-night scrolling.)

When I went through this with my son, I made a list of colleges he applied to, with decision dates and exact times. Let me tell you—it was not good for my mental health. That spreadsheet became the bane of my existence, and I’d strongly advise against it. The constant checking and tracking only adds to the stress.

College Decision Day: Emotional Whiplash

When the college decisions start rolling in, it’s like playing emotional roulette. One email might bring ‘Congratulations’ with digital confetti all over your screen, while the next delivers a gut punch. And let’s not forget the ultimate mood-killer: the dreaded deferral. Rejections sting, but deferrals feel like the limbo of college admissions results. You keep telling yourself, “Well, at least it’s not a rejection,” but even that reassurance wears thin after a while.

Once the deferrals roll in, panic sets in, and you find yourself deep-diving into Google to figure out if your child should send a Letter of Continued Interest to the college—because apparently, everyone else is doing it. What even is a Letter of Continued Interest, and how do you write one that doesn’t sound desperate? Suddenly, you’re scouring Reddit threads and forums for sample letters, as if this one perfectly worded email might tip the scales. It’s a whole new layer of stress you didn’t see coming.

And here’s something I’ve learned the hard way: don’t compare your child’s results to anyone else’s. It’s tempting—especially when you hear that someone got in and you’re left wondering, Wait, how did that happen? I’ve been guilty of it myself. But questioning why one student got in over another doesn’t change the outcome—it only adds unnecessary frustration. Similarly, when your child is waiting for a decision, don’t ask them if their friends have heard back first. They’re already anxious enough without having to navigate comparisons. The best thing we can do is focus on our own kids and remind them that their journey is uniquely theirs.

How to Support Your College-Bound Teen Without Hovering

First, let’s address the elephant in the room: you’re anxious too. It’s tempting to jump into the problem-solving mode or bombard your child with motivational speeches about resilience like “This is just a stepping stone” or “You’ll land exactly where you’re meant to be”.

What your child really needs is space to process—and the reassurance that their worth isn’t tied to an admissions email. For my teens, the emotions ranged from cautious optimism to outright frustration. As parents, our job in those moments isn’t to fix it—it’s to be the steady presence they can lean on. Sometimes that means validating their feelings, other times it’s a simple “Let’s grab ice cream and not talk about this for a while.” Whether your child’s response is elation or despair, they’re looking to you for validation—and sometimes a reality check. You might not be able to fix how they feel, but you can normalize the emotional rollercoaster.

With my son, I tried to focus on saying things like, “No matter what, we’ll figure it out together.” And when he didn’t want to talk about it anymore, I let it go. Let them vent without feeling the need to fix things. And if they’re ready to move on from the topic, follow their lead. Sometimes, the best support is simply sitting with them in silence, offering a hug, or being there to listen without judgment. Small gestures, like making their favorite snack or just being present, can go a long way when emotions are running high.

It’s Not the End of the World (or Their Journey)

One of the hardest parts about this process is seeing your child feel rejected. But here’s the thing: college decisions, as significant as they feel in the moment, are just the beginning. Whether it’s an acceptance, a rejection, or a deferral, it’s not the definitive marker of your child’s potential or future success.

As someone going through this for the second time, I can say with confidence that kids are remarkably resilient. My son ended up at a college that wasn’t his first or second choice, but it’s a highly regarded university with a competitive acceptance rate, and he’s thriving there—fully embracing the college experience. (He even calls once in a while, which is a small miracle.) It’s honestly what you make of your time at college and what you do with your degree afterward. Do you take advantage of internship opportunities, make friends, join clubs, and challenge yourself? Sometimes, the path they least expected leads to opportunities they wouldn’t have imagined. Remind them (and yourself) that this is just one chapter in a much larger story.


The waiting game isn’t easy, and the emotional ups and downs are real. But as parents, our role isn’t to have all the answers—it’s to be there, in the trenches, cheering them on no matter what. And if all else fails, there’s always ice cream.

Once the dust settles, the focus shifts from applications to preparation—especially if your child is heading to college in the fall. From dorm shopping to figuring out what they actually need (versus what TikTok says they do), it can feel overwhelming. If you’re looking for a practical starting point, check out my Dorm Room Essentials Guide to make the move-in season a little less stressful.

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